Agent @StevenLiterary • #RevPit Editor • Mentor @BreakthroughWBC • (She/They) • Latinx 🇵🇷
Opinions are my own.
Q10 - MG A
Query lays out characters, wants, and stakes. Really charmed by the premise.
Pages hold up and do a good job of giving me a sense of the MCs lives. They're also adorable! This story may not need my help but can't be sure yet.
Q9 - YA C
Word count is too long for genre. Query only summarizes plot versus hooking us on character & stakes.
Dialogue in the pages feel stilted and makes it hard to connect. Thinks the opening would need to be rewritten to better engage reader.
Q8 - YA SF
Love the query and want to see how the characters play out on the pages. Stakes and world are 🔥
Pages aren't as engaging as I would like. Think it starts with the wrong POV. Can be fixed and I need to know more.
Q7 - YA C
Query has strong hook and does well with introducing multiple MCs & their wants. Stakes need to hit harder to make this a perfect query.
Pages have good voice, but we're rushed through the opening which makes connecting hard. Could be fixed!
Q6 - MG F
Query is great and has me intrigued about the world.
Pages start with a prologue which I don't think is needed. Should open with MC. The writing is good and I see potential to enhance the opening and voice.
Let's see if I could do more!
Q5 - YA SF
Strong hook in the query but doesn't land on what the MC has to lose/why they care about the conflict.
Pages headhop (jump from narrator to narrator mid-scene). Makes it hard to follow. Would ask if all characters are needed.
Q4 - YA SF
Query pulls me in with concept/stakes of the MC. Want to know more based on that alone.
Too distant from narrator in the pages which makes it hard to connect. However, I'm considering if there's a way to fix it since I was hooked by query.
Q3 - YA F
Query has all the pieces I need and I love the concept.
Pages also strong. Immediately introduced to the MC and want to know how they deal with the shock dropped on them in the opening.
Wondering if I'm needed, but only one way to find out!
Q2 - MG C
Query focuses heavily on backstory of the world. Shift this to the characters and how their stakes/wants are impacted by the world.
Pages were filled with exposition and therefore left me without a sense of the MC so I couldn't connect.
Q1 - YA F
Query has nice prose but it doesn't tell us about the characters or stakes. Hard to understand what the story is about.
Pages don't give us the deep POV we need to connect to the MC. Try changing the scene so it better engages your MC.