Kelly Peterson

Soooo...this query is interesting...I have no idea who the main character is by the first few pages. I don’t even know her name, and all I know is it’s a “she”. No idea what she’s doing where she is, and I know more about the people she’s watching than I do her...#tenqueries

I’m really not a fan of alternate timelines manuscripts. To me, it’s very, VERY difficult to write two time lines where one is way in the past (over 100 years ago) and the other is in the present. Why are we even connecting the two? I don’t get it...#tenqueries

What does your character want to do? What’s their goal? What’s their drive? Establishing this immediately makes them relatable AND immediately ups the tension because we now need to know how they get from point A to point B in order to get what they want. #tenqueries

#tenqueries I’ve realized more and more that many writers fail to establish a character’s drive right off the bat. If we don’t know what they want or are trying to do by the time that first or second page ends, we won’t be able to relate. Even if it’s just getting to the office,

One of my biggest pet peeves that A LOT of writers struggle with is sentence structure. Natural voice ebbs and flows. It has fragments, and maybe it has run-ons too, but it’s not repetitive. Vary your sentence structures and play with your noun/verb placements! #tenqueries

Instead, it’s usually, “There’s not a car in sight,” or “There’s no cars around here.” If you’re not writing your voice how you would normally speak or think, it won’t be fluidly read and relatable/fluid to your readers either! #tenqueries

I have a really hard time connecting to voices that are super proper. If you’re not using contractions, I think you’re lying to yourself and your readers. 😂 Most people speak and think in contractions. We don’t take the time to say, “There is not a car in sight.” #tenqueries ...

Ohh...nice query. Solid opening pages...intriguing, and a main character you hate to love and love to hate...

Going to save this one for another day and come back to it. I have quite a few submissions in my box and want to get that down a bit before requesting more. #tenqueries

When you ask for a 1-2 page synopsis and end up with a three sentence one instead...and then spend your entire query talking about yourself, not the book...Oy... #tenqueries Might want to work on that and refine that...

One thing I’m not a fan of are books that start by addressing this is a story:
-It all started with a phone call.
-If I knew back then what I know now.
-I never knew what was coming for me that day.

Just jump in! This is subjective, but your story doesn’t need it! #tenqueries

#tenqueries 11. Quite a bit of telling in the pages! Not much showing, so no connection with the story or character. :(

#tenqueries 10. A little too proper in language, not utilizing contractions, etc.. Because of this, it doesn’t quite flow like I would hope it would. Another unfortunate pass. :(

#tenqueries 9. Manuscript under 30k words for an adult genre. Far too low to sell! Sorry, but it has to be a pass.

#tenqueries 8. Picture book, which I don’t represent at this time. Sorry! Pass.

#tenqueries 7. The opening of this one has so much world building that it’s slightly overwhelming and seems unnecessary. I’m unfortunately not being drawn into your character’s story because there’s nothing about your character here to connect to. Just what’s around them.

#tenqueries 6. I’m very confused how this manuscript is three different genres that are exact opposites of each other? What confuses me more is that the query is only a sentence long and tells me nothing about the manuscript? Sorry, but this is a pass.

#tenqueries 5. Breaking the 4th wall in order to set up a scene in the beginning just doesn’t work for me. I’d rather you jump me right in to the character’s perspective rather than trying to set a scene by having your character talk directly to me. Sorry!

#tenqueries 4. Short, chopped sentences with a lack of fluency due to telling rather than showing in the opening. Word count is also low due to this, as it usually takes more words to show. :( Pass.

#tenqueries 3. Starting with a lot of backstory and flashbacks, which isn’t engaging me with the character and pulling me into the story. Unfortunate pass.

#tenqueries 2. Great premise, unfortunately the writing/voice was just sounding more adult than YA to me. Unfortunate pass, because that was a super cool concept. :(