Agent @belcastr . insta: kjbelcastro. Freelance Editor. Serial comma for life. She/her. Query at QueryManager.com/1147
P10 - MG F 🥗
Wanted to put on Maybe list but voice feels too young for me. Good first line but some details need to be clarified earlier on (unknown family members popped in at random).
Like it, but not sure writing is strong enough to fully flesh out plot. #RevPit #10queries
Q10 - MG Fantasy
Good way to illustrate dark, unique retelling.
Digging the plot, but the end paragraphs make the stakes fall flat. More specifics might help solidify story progression. Also questioning the need for multi-POV.
P9 - YA ?? 🥗
Pages are filled w/ explanations & telling language. Gives a character sketch of character rather than naturally letting us learn this as the story continues.
Voice is ok, but not strong enough yet to hook. Good place to open story, though. #RevPit #10queries
Q9 - YA ??
Genre is unclear/query specifies odd mix of genres. Maybe contemporary w/ thriller elements?
First para can be condensed, but definitely intrigues me w/ setting/conflict. Stakes are left flat, though, and unsure how secondary character plays role.
P8 - YA UF 🥠
The pages have a good voice. Good starting point = making me care about MC more than in query.
Good job starting right with clarity on inciting event. Right to the point and draws me in. #RevPit #10queries
Q8 - YA Urban Fantasy
Good conflict and good motivation, but I need more to care about MC. First para can be condensed and focused to help.
LOVE the UF element. Wish query said if it's dual POV or not.
P7 - YA F 🥗
This doesn't feel like the right opening scene. It seems like a lot of details dropped in, without explanation or true purpose, just to prove they have world building elements.
Feels like a scene in the middle of the book, not the start.
P7 - YA Fantasy
Word count is low for Fantasy. Query begins with world details/terms I don't understand. Simplify so the reader can follow along.
Feels like MC doesn't care about outcome or journey... so why should I care enough to read it? Not a good hook. #RevPit #10queries
P6 - YA Contemporary 🥠
Not the MC I thought would open the story. But I like how first two chapters set up the motivations for both POVs.
Okay writing. I like it, but unsure if I love it. A different opening may be a better hook.
Q6 - YA Contemporary
Interesting plot, but query tries to tell too much. Plot details whip by; needs to be slowed down and focused.
Like how characters intersect, but worried main plot is too overdone. Intrigued, though.
P5 - MG UF 🥗
Multiple characters introduced in first page, but no clarity on who they are to story or what's going on.
Lots of description on the "who" but not the "why or where" so I've lost any forward momentum pulling me onward.
Q5 - MG Urban Fantasy
Word count is way too high for MG. Goes on to mention teens, so I wonder if it's really YA?
Multi-POV with so many separate plot elements, seems like plot will be too chaotic, leaving questions on pacing/cohesion.
P4 - YA F 🥗
Starts with weather details = no hook in. POV is uncertain, so I'm not grounded in the opening scene.
Beginning has a lot of telling language. Too much explanation, not enough clarity on character or purpose of the scene.
Q4 - YA Fantasy
Right off the bat, dark storyline is clear. Good comps.
Magic aspect feels too random/unexplained, though. Query begins to lose my interest when the fact she's the "only one" to fix things is left unexplained. #RevPit #10queries
P3 - YA F 🥠
Good opening scene, but voice delves into too much explanation. Wish it focused more on what's happening than telling us motivation.
Has enough world building that it still holds interest! Just needs fine-tuning.
Q3 - YA Fantasy
Immediately enjoy the MC drive. Details get confusing from there though.
Stakes aren't super clear, and query leads me to wonder if this is dual POV? Still, love inspiration story draws from.
P2 - ?? Historical 🥗
First paragraph is great. Gives immediate voice and clues the reader in on what we'll be dealing with.
Strong pages but proves this is an age category I'm not accepting for #RevPit. Reveal in query still feels disjointed, so not a fit for me.
Q2 - ?? Historical
No age category given. Interesting characters, but I don't get their purpose for the story - roles aren't clear.
Stakes are a sudden reveal that feels at odds with the plot described. Focusing more on the main plot may provide clarity.
P1 - YA Historical 🎂
First pages have a strong voice and set up tension immediately. I'm fed backstory, but in a natural way, so it doesn't come across like an info dump.
Last line super draws me in. Gotta find out what happens next.
Q1 - YA Historical
Love the setting & conflict. Dual POV draws me in, but query contradicts its own details at one point.
Confused how the two characters intersect in the stakes. But intrigued enough to go on.