Kaitlyn Johnson

Randomly! I pick the ones for #10queries instead of just tweeting in order

P10 - YA Steampunk 🎂

First page = already know I want the full.

World is fleshed out, and I feel like I'm in the story. Sensory details, voice, and great mix-up of sentence structure gives this a natural flow. Well done.

#RevPit #10queries

Q10 - YA Steampunk

1... 2... 3... three immediate MSWL hits! Fantastic conflict described in the query, and merges perfectly with world building.

100% hooked!

#RevPit #10queries

P9 - YA F 🥗

Pages start farther along in the plot than query made me anticipate. May need to begin earlier so reader can get to know world/MC.

Intrigued by concept but voice/progression wasn't enough to grab me. #RevPit #10queries

Q9 - YA F

Love the character's job/backstory. But query doesn't clarify why the world turns on her or why she'd join with secondary character.

Sudden sci-fi element thrown in there that makes me wonder if I'm a good fit. #RevPit #10queries

P8 - MG UF 🥠

Pages start with a decent chunk of dialogue and a bit of passive voice, but it's got potential. Could easily be tweaked to quicken pacing.

Still really enjoying the concept and the voice. Great scene to open with. #RevPit #10queries

Q8 - MG Urban Fantasy

This sounds so cute! I love the magic blended with MC's hobby/passion.

Confused on certain regard toward secondary character, but there's good conflict and the fantasy elements feel woven in with a fun flair.

#RevPit #10queries

P7 - YA ?? 🥗

Prologue takes up the whole sample, and the opening paragraphs are passive voice. MC is watching the surroundings rather than taking part.

Lots of dialogue slowed the pacing, and I wasn't sure how this scene tied back to details in the query. #RevPit #10queries

Q7 - YA ??

Is this sci-fi? Thriller? No genre listed.

Age is high for YA (might be NA and eventual crossover appeal).

Very long query. It's hard to see how characters are connected to each other in the plot, and the stakes are left unclear.

#RevPit #10queries

P6 - YA F 🎂

Good voice. Great opening scene. Immediately pulled in. All the sensory details here make the world 3D.

I WANT MORE. #RevPit #10queries

Q6 - YA F

LOVE first details of this. Deff paid attention to my MSWL. But, affects of magic aren't my fave. I like how stakes show these affects end up a burden/choice, so maybe?

Also, light-STEM approach! #RevPit #10queries

P5 - YA F 🥗

The pages lead right into telling language, and the scenes jump back and forth.

We start later than the query led me to believe. Why? Make sure your query and first pages tie in somehow.

#RevPit #10queries

Q5 - YA F

Query logistics leave me confused. I'm not sure what the MC did or did not do, and I'm getting the "chosen one" vibe here. Sometimes works, so withholding judgement.

This seems like Urban Fantasy rather than true Fantasy.

#RevPit #10queries

P4 - MG Contemporary 🥠

Love the first paragraph. Great hook and voice, and I like getting to know the character.

These are solid first pages and definitely hold any interest that was slipping before.

#RevPit #10queries

Q4 - MG Contemporary

I like how the query mixes deeper theming with sport outlet. However, details of MC's life make it feel odd she could accomplish what's described.

End reveal doesn't feel strong enough when tying back to plot. Good journey, though. #RevPit #10queries

P4 - YA F 🎂

The pages make me cringe at first with certain subject matter (natural to the world, though), and the conflict arrives very quickly. Shows potential, and the voice is good, so I'm still wanting to read more! #RevPit #10queries

Q3 - YA F

Two story details high on my MSWL. Plus LGBT!

Query has me excited about the world, but seems to have a lot of plot elements. I'm left unsure if the storyline will be too hectic, but I want to read on!

#RevPit #10queries

P2 - YA Con. F 🥗

First pages immediately hit me with passive voice. Check the repetition: a lot of "I" beginning sentences and paragraphs.

Give me more of an active seen. Doing rather than "should have done". But good setup on character detail.
#RevPit #10queries

Q2 - YA Con. F

Interesting choices for characters, but the plot basis isn't grabbing me. Leaves me wondering how the fantasy aspect plays a factor.

Stakes don't feel strong enough. I need to know why to care about the outcome. #RevPit #10queries

P1 - MG Fantasy 🎂

Lovely voice that draws me in. Shows areas that could be tightened, but has a lot of promise. I love how I'm plopped right into the mythical aspect of the world!

Setting and character established right off the bat. Gives the "need to know" #RevPit #10queries