Hannah VanVels

Q3: A R. Fresh concept and take on romance, but story details a little muddy here and there. It’s helpful to have someone read your query who hasn’t read your book to be sure that you include just enough to tease. #RevPit #10Queries

P2: Not getting a very strong sense of the “before” here, as the inciting incident happens right at the end of chapter 1. With H, I want more moodiness, atmosphere, and tension, and the pace was moving too quickly to build tension. #RevPit #10Queries

Q2: A H. Pitched as “gothic” horror, this doesn’t quite fit the bill for that subgenre. It’s okay to simply pitch as horror. Query runs a bit long in the intro. It’s effective to keep your query intros short and hook-y. #RevPit #10Queries

P1: Great voice for YA and this genre. Strong pages that immediately set the tone for the story, and background information is skillfully woven in without losing plot momentum. #RevPit #10Queries

Q1: YA RomCom. This concept is 😍 with a great hook but gets a little too in the weeds re: the plot. Focus on big picture and save the specific details for the synopsis/pages! #RevPit #10Queries

Q20: A F. Ruh roh, typos in the query. Not a dealbreaker for me, TBH. Pages seem slightly young. Is this really YA masquerading as A? There seems to be a coming-of-age theme here. I like the immediacy of the voice! YA or A? A or YA? 💛 #RevPit #10Queries

Q19: MG C. The query focuses on a few too many subplots so is a bit meandering. Stick to the main points and tease in the query. Writing comes off as a bit stiff and formulaic. Vary sentence structure to add more playfulness and make those pages sing! 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q18: A F. The query promises that this will be dark, dark, dark! But the pages feel only darkish, so something's not lining up here. Think of your query + pages as a package--you need them to match in tone and be consistent. 💔 #RevPit #10Queries

Q17: MG F. I need a little more of an introduction to the concept in the query before diving right in as I'm not 100% following the premise. The dialogue & writing is a little too formal for MG. It feels like trying to imitate CS Lewis. I want YOUR voice! 💔 #RevPit #10Queries

Q16: Comps to my favorite books so I'm immediately interested. The premise seems fairly close to the comps, but is the premise TOO close that it comes off as derivative? Morally gray hero jumps off the first pages. Fav trope alert! 💚 #RevPit #10Queries

Q15: YA H. Query is dark & atmospheric & promises the creep factor. But there's a disconnect with the pages in tone. Where's the creep factor that the query promised? Is it coming later? This starts pretty light for H, which I don't expect from the genre. 💛 #RevPit #10Queries

Q14: A F. Great logline that succinctly teases the story. Original concept but the writing isn't quite there for me yet. It needs a little deeper POV and more emotional depth to connect with the MC in opening pages. Maybe I can help here though... 💛 #RevPit #10Queries

Q13: YA SF. Query ends on a great cliffhanger that puts my own copywriting skills to shame. This author knows how to tantalize! The pages rely a lot on dialogue tags and adverbs, which weakens the dialogue and the prose.💔 #RevPit #10Queries

Q12: MG H. Clear stakes in query that tease the pages are going to be super creepy, just how I like it. Deep POV in the opening pages and goodness, this IS creepy. Is this going to be too dark for MG? Guess we'll find out! 💚 #RevPit #10Queries

Q11: MG F. The query is more synopsis than teaser. The pages start off in media res, which makes doesn't give a clear sense of the "before," lessening the stakes. What normal do we want to return to after the conflict is over? #RevPit #10queries

Q10: MG F. Query is missing some tension so I'm not 100% sure what the stakes are. In the sample pages, the writing feels inconsistent. At times, it feels young and playful and other times very mature and literary. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q9: YA SF. Awesome premise with some great comps in the query. Opening scene feels strikingly similar to another opening scene of another well-known book though. I want to experience a fresh story so maybe that's in further pages? 💛 #RevPit #10queries

Q8: MG H. This one comps to two movies. It's good to comp to at least 1 recent book in your query. The word count is a little on the low end for MG, but the pages feel a little over-written. Not sure if we'd be able to get there in our short time together. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q7: YA F. Uses some of my favorite books as comps, oooh! The premise is really fascinating, but it's quite similar to a book that I acquired at HarperCollins, so I'm not sure I can be all in again with such a similar (but great!) concept. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q6: YA F. This is a retelling of a classic, which is also used for a comp. It would have been more efficient to comp to another retelling rather than the classic itself. The premise feels a little too derivative and not fresh enough. 💔 #RevPit #10queries