Leah Pierre

P9 MG F:

Great job of starting to explain and introduce the reader to this world and your characters right off the bat! I was immediately drawn in. Only one suggestion: describe your setting a bit more!

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Q9 MG F:

This is really good! Great balance with not revealing too much in regards to stakes and plot. You gave just enough to keep me reading! Go get that agent!

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P8 MG DF:

Writing was great & I got a really good sense of your character! You provided just enough information to keep me wanting more! Tho was a bit confused & disoriented with this opening so I’d suggest starting off with a later scene.

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Q8 MG DF:

Great job of infusing the MC’s tone and keeping the query to the basics! However, I do think you could allude more about your world to better help your reader understand what exactly their going into.

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P7 A C:

A bit slow on the uptake so I definitely suggest reworking the opening to speed things up. In this case, it may be better to start off with the drama/stakes. But other than that this was really good!

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Q7 A C:

This was really good! Great job of being concise and giving us just the right amount of information to hook us! Tho, I do think you could give a little bit more information to help clarify a few threads!

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P6 A T(hriller):

Characters definitely drew me in and left me wanting to read more! Yet, I do think the opening reads more like a second chapter rather than an opening. That groundwork given to us in an opening chapter is missing.

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Q6 A T:

Just a few cosmetic things: switch a few sentences around and expound on some plot points and stakes. Other than that really good—I already feel the tension between the MCs and I'm here for it 👀

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P5 A M:

Sorry to say I was completely lost. Nothing was explained to help ground and orient the readers. I think it would help if you were less inside the MCs head and explain what happen then show that ties into the overall plot.

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Q5 A M:

This one is also reading moreso like a summary. Remember to be succinct! You want to give them enough to hook then reel them in and once you have let them uncover all you've left out for shock value and make them feel all the feels

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P4 MG F:

Opening scene feels like it should be later as it doesn’t properly introduce readers to the world. Expand your world building & explain things—don’t wait for your readers to pick up on it 50 pgs later, they'll be frustrated

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Q4 MG F:

Couldn't tell what the stakes were nor could I say that I understood the plot of this one. Things aren't properly woven together and I think to fix you're going to have to clarify and go a bit more in-depth about the plot/stakes the MC has to face

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P3 YA R/C:

Lets speed it up a bit! 🏍💨 Felt too much I was reading about the MC going through the motion/mundane. But that’s nothing a little flip flop of scenes won't fix! Sometimes the perfect opening scene occurs later on!

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Q3 YA R/C: After a few clarifications and sentence restructures and you’ll be good to blow these agents away! There's a great balance of background info, the hardship the MC will be dealing with, and the stakes the MC will be forced to face.

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P2 YA Spec Fic:

Hook, line, and sink! The tone and dark atmosphere is very intriguing and makes me want more! Great job!

Q2 YA Spec Fic:

Another one that reveals a bit too much information. Y'all, sometimes less is more! It keeps them wanting more...let the agent be surprised when they read but that can't happen if everything is laid out for them

P1 MG F: Didn’t really feel oriented in this one as I couldn’t get clear picture of the setting/the characters. Too much telling of the character's emotion. Don't just tell us how they're feeling--show us! Through their actions and words!

Q1 MG F: Make sure you’re keeping your query letter short and to the point! Be careful not to reveal too much to the point where this starts to read like a summary rather than a pitch. I’d recommend cutting some from this query.

P10 YA CON F: Focuses on absent chara for too long w/o revealing their importance. Sets up the background and cause of what led our MCs to go on their journey BUT it skims over what exactly happened n the big *incident* Provide a bit more details. #RevPit #10Queries

Q10 YA CON F: 2nd para is stronger--lead with it! Stakes do need to be clearer as I can't really tell what the point/conflict is.

Oh, and be careful to not give away too much info!
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