Plot details are too vague....need more about the specifics of what the MCs are up against. We’re also missing not just the why but some world-building details to help us understand what we're about to dive into
Getting us to that first conflict quickly while also doing a great job of giving us insight into the MCs bleak emotional situation/background which is a great way of getting us into the mind of MC and creating empathy/connection. Great job!
This is really good! The internal/emotional stakes are there as well as the external difficulties they’re going to be up against; however, there is a contradicting statement that muddles the backstory and causes confusion.
We’ve got a good idea about what’s driving the MC and what they’ll be facing! Just be more specifics abt a certain element of the world that is mentioned. Remember to explain terms specific to your world in your queries!
This is a really good opening! It gives a great sense of the first MC and what they’re dealing with in the beginning. It also gives a good overview of where the story is going & the conflict this MC will face
Too summary like as it doesn’t focus on the immediate action kicking off the story. It’s multiPOV but only focuses on 1 MC. W/ multiPOV, it’s good to talk abt the mutual stake tying them all together & give an idea of how their storylines intersect
Good! Sets us up w/ enough info abt MC, their internal stakes/motivation, & the ext stakes they’ll be up against which is key to understanding a story before diving in. And it's *V* impt to understand b/f reading pgs. Less confusion for agents!
Ooo, there’s conflict in the opening! Good job! BUT I feel like we stay too long in this opening. And I think we might be starting in the wrong place as the starting action promised by the QL comes after the current opening scene….
It’s good writing & good set up but I feel like I’m missing something…I’m left with a question of what did the MC do that was so bad it warrants the action we’re opening with so 1) back up a little to show the action or 2) provide more context
Query set me up expecting to start closer to the action. Still confused abt worldbuilding as the politics have yet to be explained. But you do a good job of giving us a look at the character and their ambitions!
The word count looks on the low side for this genre. And I’m a bit confused by the world & how the present plot elements fit together…so I think some more specifics & clarity in regards to the world-building and plot would make it *chef’s kiss*
This starts off too internal—we stay in the MC's head w/ their problems for too long. Don't have the MC tell us what they don’t like abt their life, have them show us on the page with a scene and action.
Oh, here’s the why! Great job making it clear in the first few pages so we not only know what’s driving the character off the🦇but where the story is headed. But there are just a few confusing sentences that need some clarification!