P5 YA CR:

Good grasp of the MC and her struggles and what she will be challenged by. However there are a few parts that read like info dumps.

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Q5 YA CR:

Needs some trimming but otherwise its good to go! Remember to be concise with these—you don’t have to touch on every subplot, only the important ones.

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P4 C CR:

The pages are a bit slow and I think we can learn a bit more about the MCs personally and their individual dynamics.

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Q4 C CR:

Oh, my heart. This seems really cute and heartfelt. I already feel the tugs on my heart strings.

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P3 A CR:

Great blend of old and new! I’m sucked in! Great establishment of characters and their purpose as well as of the plot and stakes

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Q3 A CR:

Really good! Covers everything: plot, stakes, and the roles the MCs are to play

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P2 YA CR:

The pages are really good! Great job of introducing us to the conflict and tension. The only thing is that the MC is a bit too much in her head so its hard to picture setting and understand dynamics

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Q2 YA CR:

Giving a bit too much in the query. Lets take a few sentences out and make a few other ones stronger. Remember to touch only on the relevant that will hook the agent.

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P1 A RS:

Get rid of the first three pages and start the opening with the MCs arrival. Oh and go into a bit more of the reasons behind the MCs decision.

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Q1 A RS:

This is coming across more as a summary than a pitch. You are covering too many plot points--just focus on the main one.

Also, tho the genre is a romantic supsense I’m getting more romance vibes from this query.

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P10: I thought this was going to be too much from the query, but it's tamer than the query led me to believe, more Goosebumps less Stephen King. Have betas who haven't read your book yet read over your query to make sure it's giving the vibe you intend!

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Q10: MG H. For the horror genre, this premise skews a little more mature than I would expect for the age range. Think more Goosebumps level for MG readers and nothing too graphic. Read recent MG horrors to get an idea for how much is too much.

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P9: Good writing that tends to be a little more introspective than I was expecting for MG. Not a huge red flag, but with an adventure novel, we want a balance between internal and external conflicts. Adventure tends to lean more towards external.

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Q9: MG A. This adventure story has some great STEM elements that shows me that they are thinking of how this book might have future institutional appeal. Libraries and schools are a huge market for MG, so it's great to see the author thinking about this.

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P8: For a HF, the voice feels fairly modern. When writing HF, you don't need to skew formal or anything, but do keep an eye on idioms and slang to make sure it's authentic to your time period.

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Q8: MG HF. A great premise with a killer closing paragraph that shows what the "ticking bomb" is. What drives the story forward and why does the MC need to fix it ASAP?

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P7: Writing is fairly granular in the details. Leave some of those up to the reader's imagination. Is it necessary to know that Character A is 5'1" with sandy brown hair? If not necessary to the plot, some of these details can be axed.

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Q7: MG F. Effective use of comps in this query that is a great example of showing how to comp to things other than plot. You can pick aspects of your story to comp to! A story is so much more than just a plot.

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P6: Dialogue-heavy in the opening pages, which doesn't give me an opportunity to get to know the MC. Dialogue can be used for info-dumping, which is what is happening here. Weave in backstory when necessary but that doesn't always need to happen in the first 5.
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Q5: MG SF. Clearly communicates the conflict of the story, what's at stake, and why the character needs to solve this problem now. And doesn't spoil the ending! Queries like this make me excited to read the pages.

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