Q1: YA, M

Good job! Query is set up well and we’re prepared for the world we’re about to enter. The only thing missing is the why? What is driving the character to act?

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Basically! It's okay to move that metadata section around. I prefer to have it right up front but others put towards the end of the query, and that's okay too. Here's an example:
reviseresub.com/annual-contest…

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Romantic fantasy totally works! And to be clear, most fantasy does have romance in it. #RevPit #10Queries

Romance as its own genre has specific beats that it needs to hit. Check out Romancing the Beat for the specifics. A lot of the times, a fantasy novel can have as strong romantic element but not be a "romance." #RevPit #10Queries

Opening pages are NOT formulaic but there are some solid craft conventions that make opening pages strong. This is why it's important to have strong craft so you can make the intentional decision to deviate from norms. #RevPit #10Queries (2/2)

Query letters are formulaic and you can use that to your advantage by adhering to that formula. An agent/publisher is most often skimming query letters as they receive so many so the content itself is what stands out #RevPit #10Queries (1/)

A hook is a basic 1-2 sentence pitch that communicates the stakes of your story without giving away the answers. #RevPit #10Queries

P9 C T:

It starts as if the MC is talking to the reader then switches to the MC in the present—I would just start her in the present and have her reflect internally without directly the reader

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Q9 C T:

This one could also be streamlined and more straightforward as its coming across more like a summary. Not sure what the stakes are so pick the main conflict and stick with it—the others can come through in the pages

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P8 YA F:

Was not prepare for the pages & it is another one labelled as fantasy but might be contemp/low fantasy.

Remember there are sub genres to fantasy! Very impt to mention which one you are writing in bc it sets up the agent to expect certain things

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Q8 YA F:

So this is a bit long and confusing. I would take some things out to tighten and clarify some of your stakes.

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P7 A F:

Really good! The tension and stakes for both MCs are apparent. Characters are set up well and I feel as if I have a good grasp of the types of characters they will be

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Q7 A F:

Good! But again don’t have to mention all the subplots—leave those to surprise the agent if its not integral to the agents understanding of the beginning.

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P6 YA F:

I’m confused. The query did not prepare me for this to be a contemp fantasy. Also confused about the direction this is going as its not clear. MC (who we don’t know the name of) in and out of conciousness too much

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Q6 YA F:

Really good! I’m ready to go on an adventure with the MCs. Already invested in the choices the MC has to make.

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P5 YA CR:

Good grasp of the MC and her struggles and what she will be challenged by. However there are a few parts that read like info dumps.

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Q5 YA CR:

Needs some trimming but otherwise its good to go! Remember to be concise with these—you don’t have to touch on every subplot, only the important ones.

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P4 C CR:

The pages are a bit slow and I think we can learn a bit more about the MCs personally and their individual dynamics.

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Q4 C CR:

Oh, my heart. This seems really cute and heartfelt. I already feel the tugs on my heart strings.

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P3 A CR:

Great blend of old and new! I’m sucked in! Great establishment of characters and their purpose as well as of the plot and stakes

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