Q3 A CR:

Really good! Covers everything: plot, stakes, and the roles the MCs are to play

#RevPit #10Queries

P2 YA CR:

The pages are really good! Great job of introducing us to the conflict and tension. The only thing is that the MC is a bit too much in her head so its hard to picture setting and understand dynamics

#RevPit #10Queries

Q2 YA CR:

Giving a bit too much in the query. Lets take a few sentences out and make a few other ones stronger. Remember to touch only on the relevant that will hook the agent.

#RevPit #10Queries

P1 A RS:

Get rid of the first three pages and start the opening with the MCs arrival. Oh and go into a bit more of the reasons behind the MCs decision.

#RevPit #10Queries

Q1 A RS:

This is coming across more as a summary than a pitch. You are covering too many plot points--just focus on the main one.

Also, tho the genre is a romantic supsense I’m getting more romance vibes from this query.

#RevPit #10Queries

P10: I thought this was going to be too much from the query, but it's tamer than the query led me to believe, more Goosebumps less Stephen King. Have betas who haven't read your book yet read over your query to make sure it's giving the vibe you intend!

#RevPit #10Queries

Q10: MG H. For the horror genre, this premise skews a little more mature than I would expect for the age range. Think more Goosebumps level for MG readers and nothing too graphic. Read recent MG horrors to get an idea for how much is too much.

#RevPit #10Queries

P9: Good writing that tends to be a little more introspective than I was expecting for MG. Not a huge red flag, but with an adventure novel, we want a balance between internal and external conflicts. Adventure tends to lean more towards external.

#RevPit #10Queries

Q9: MG A. This adventure story has some great STEM elements that shows me that they are thinking of how this book might have future institutional appeal. Libraries and schools are a huge market for MG, so it's great to see the author thinking about this.

#RevPit #10Queries

P8: For a HF, the voice feels fairly modern. When writing HF, you don't need to skew formal or anything, but do keep an eye on idioms and slang to make sure it's authentic to your time period.

#RevPit #10Queries

Q8: MG HF. A great premise with a killer closing paragraph that shows what the "ticking bomb" is. What drives the story forward and why does the MC need to fix it ASAP?

#RevPit #10Queries

P7: Writing is fairly granular in the details. Leave some of those up to the reader's imagination. Is it necessary to know that Character A is 5'1" with sandy brown hair? If not necessary to the plot, some of these details can be axed.

#RevPit #10Queries

Q7: MG F. Effective use of comps in this query that is a great example of showing how to comp to things other than plot. You can pick aspects of your story to comp to! A story is so much more than just a plot.

#RevPit #10Queries

P6: Dialogue-heavy in the opening pages, which doesn't give me an opportunity to get to know the MC. Dialogue can be used for info-dumping, which is what is happening here. Weave in backstory when necessary but that doesn't always need to happen in the first 5.
#RevPit #10Queries

Q5: MG SF. Clearly communicates the conflict of the story, what's at stake, and why the character needs to solve this problem now. And doesn't spoil the ending! Queries like this make me excited to read the pages.

#RevPit #10Queries

P4: The writing leans on telling rather than showing and gives a lot of information about the world right off the bat. Rein it in and save some of the backstory for your notebooks or reveal strategically when necessary to the plot.

#RevPit #10Queries

Q4: MG F. This was pitched as magical realism but is actually MG F. People often misunderstand what magical realism is, but @ekbuege has a great blog post on it here:elizabethbuege.com/magic-realism-…

#RevPit #10Queries

P3: Solid character voice that feels authentic to the age range and is appropriate for the M genre. Using vocabulary, sentence structure, and and thematic complexity that it's appropriate for the age range.

#RevPit #10Queries

Q3: MG M. Starts off with an effective hook that compels me to keep reading. An effective hook gives me a snapshot of what this book is about in just a sentence or two. It tells me what the MC wants and what stands in their way.

#RevPit #10Queries

P2: Writing is stiff and formal. This is something that many MG writers fall into. They try to imitate CS Lewis or other "classic" writers of children's lit. Read widely of recent books that have been published to get a better feel for that elusive MG voice.

#RevPit #10Queries