Leah Pierre
@leahbene
Literary Agent
HTX β€’ agent @ladderbirdlit β€’ CLOSED to queriesπŸ“š
22 MSWL
79 Queries

Q2 A F: A bit sparse in terms of plot for this to be adult fantasy. Need more info on plot to help clearly define the stakes

And *gasp* no comps!😱
#RevPit #10Queries

Leah Pierre
@leahbene
Literary Agent
HTX β€’ agent @ladderbirdlit β€’ CLOSED to queriesπŸ“š
22 MSWL
79 Queries

P1 A SF: Setting/Worldbuilding not properly established so I was very disorientedπŸ’« Too focused on trying to understand where the story was taking place for me to get a good grasp of what the MC was doing in the moment #RevPit #10Queries

Leah Pierre
@leahbene
Literary Agent
HTX β€’ agent @ladderbirdlit β€’ CLOSED to queriesπŸ“š
22 MSWL
79 Queries

Q1 A SF: Too much info in 1st para--save some to be revealed in MS! If you delete 1st para then lead with 2nd you’ll be fine #RevPit #10Queries

Leah Pierre
@leahbene
Literary Agent
HTX β€’ agent @ladderbirdlit β€’ CLOSED to queriesπŸ“š
22 MSWL
79 Queries

The time for my #RevPit #10Queries session is here! See below for the cheat code!

Q: query
P: first pages

A: adult
YA: young adult
MG: middle grade

F: fantasy
SF: sci-fi
T: thriller
M: mystery
CON: contemporary

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q20: A F. Ruh roh, typos in the query. Not a dealbreaker for me, TBH. Pages seem slightly young. Is this really YA masquerading as A? There seems to be a coming-of-age theme here. I like the immediacy of the voice! YA or A? A or YA? πŸ’› #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q19: MG C. The query focuses on a few too many subplots so is a bit meandering. Stick to the main points and tease in the query. Writing comes off as a bit stiff and formulaic. Vary sentence structure to add more playfulness and make those pages sing! πŸ’” #RevPit #10queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q18: A F. The query promises that this will be dark, dark, dark! But the pages feel only darkish, so something's not lining up here. Think of your query + pages as a package--you need them to match in tone and be consistent. πŸ’” #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q17: MG F. I need a little more of an introduction to the concept in the query before diving right in as I'm not 100% following the premise. The dialogue & writing is a little too formal for MG. It feels like trying to imitate CS Lewis. I want YOUR voice! πŸ’” #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q16: Comps to my favorite books so I'm immediately interested. The premise seems fairly close to the comps, but is the premise TOO close that it comes off as derivative? Morally gray hero jumps off the first pages. Fav trope alert! πŸ’š #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q15: YA H. Query is dark & atmospheric & promises the creep factor. But there's a disconnect with the pages in tone. Where's the creep factor that the query promised? Is it coming later? This starts pretty light for H, which I don't expect from the genre. πŸ’› #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q14: A F. Great logline that succinctly teases the story. Original concept but the writing isn't quite there for me yet. It needs a little deeper POV and more emotional depth to connect with the MC in opening pages. Maybe I can help here though... πŸ’› #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q13: YA SF. Query ends on a great cliffhanger that puts my own copywriting skills to shame. This author knows how to tantalize! The pages rely a lot on dialogue tags and adverbs, which weakens the dialogue and the prose.πŸ’” #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q12: MG H. Clear stakes in query that tease the pages are going to be super creepy, just how I like it. Deep POV in the opening pages and goodness, this IS creepy. Is this going to be too dark for MG? Guess we'll find out! πŸ’š #RevPit #10Queries

Hannah VanVels
@hannahvanvels
Literary Agent
πŸ“š Literary Agent @belcastr | Editor | Writer | #RevPit | Devoted German shepherd & cat mom | Amateur baker | Sparkling water enthusiast | she/her ✏️
55 MSWL
55 AskAgent
65 Queries
3 Tips

Q11: MG F. The query is more synopsis than teaser. The pages start off in media res, which makes doesn't give a clear sense of the "before," lessening the stakes. What normal do we want to return to after the conflict is over? #RevPit #10queries

Megan Manzano
@Megan_Manzano
Literary Agent
Agent @StevenLiterary β€’ #RevPit Editor β€’ Mentor @BreakthroughWBC β€’ (She/They) β€’ Latinx πŸ‡΅πŸ‡· Opinions are my own.
124 MSWL
205 AskAgent
10 Queries
179 Tips

Q10 - MG A

Query lays out characters, wants, and stakes. Really charmed by the premise.

Pages hold up and do a good job of giving me a sense of the MCs lives. They're also adorable! This story may not need my help but can't be sure yet.

R

#RevPit #10Queries

Megan Manzano
@Megan_Manzano
Literary Agent
Agent @StevenLiterary β€’ #RevPit Editor β€’ Mentor @BreakthroughWBC β€’ (She/They) β€’ Latinx πŸ‡΅πŸ‡· Opinions are my own.
124 MSWL
205 AskAgent
10 Queries
179 Tips

Q9 - YA C

Word count is too long for genre. Query only summarizes plot versus hooking us on character & stakes.

Dialogue in the pages feel stilted and makes it hard to connect. Thinks the opening would need to be rewritten to better engage reader.

P

#RevPit #10Queries

Megan Manzano
@Megan_Manzano
Literary Agent
Agent @StevenLiterary β€’ #RevPit Editor β€’ Mentor @BreakthroughWBC β€’ (She/They) β€’ Latinx πŸ‡΅πŸ‡· Opinions are my own.
124 MSWL
205 AskAgent
10 Queries
179 Tips

Q8 - YA SF

Love the query and want to see how the characters play out on the pages. Stakes and world are πŸ”₯

Pages aren't as engaging as I would like. Think it starts with the wrong POV. Can be fixed and I need to know more.

R

#RevPit #10Queries

Megan Manzano
@Megan_Manzano
Literary Agent
Agent @StevenLiterary β€’ #RevPit Editor β€’ Mentor @BreakthroughWBC β€’ (She/They) β€’ Latinx πŸ‡΅πŸ‡· Opinions are my own.
124 MSWL
205 AskAgent
10 Queries
179 Tips

Q7 - YA C

Query has strong hook and does well with introducing multiple MCs & their wants. Stakes need to hit harder to make this a perfect query.

Pages have good voice, but we're rushed through the opening which makes connecting hard. Could be fixed!

M

#RevPit #10Queries

Megan Manzano
@Megan_Manzano
Literary Agent
Agent @StevenLiterary β€’ #RevPit Editor β€’ Mentor @BreakthroughWBC β€’ (She/They) β€’ Latinx πŸ‡΅πŸ‡· Opinions are my own.
124 MSWL
205 AskAgent
10 Queries
179 Tips

Q6 - MG F

Query is great and has me intrigued about the world.

Pages start with a prologue which I don't think is needed. Should open with MC. The writing is good and I see potential to enhance the opening and voice.

Let's see if I could do more!

R

#RevPit #10Queries

Megan Manzano
@Megan_Manzano
Literary Agent
Agent @StevenLiterary β€’ #RevPit Editor β€’ Mentor @BreakthroughWBC β€’ (She/They) β€’ Latinx πŸ‡΅πŸ‡· Opinions are my own.
124 MSWL
205 AskAgent
10 Queries
179 Tips

Q5 - YA SF

Strong hook in the query but doesn't land on what the MC has to lose/why they care about the conflict.

Pages headhop (jump from narrator to narrator mid-scene). Makes it hard to follow. Would ask if all characters are needed.

P

#RevPit #10Queries