Q2 A F: A bit sparse in terms of plot for this to be adult fantasy. Need more info on plot to help clearly define the stakes

And *gasp* no comps!😱
#RevPit #10Queries

P1 A SF: Setting/Worldbuilding not properly established so I was very disoriented💫 Too focused on trying to understand where the story was taking place for me to get a good grasp of what the MC was doing in the moment #RevPit #10Queries

Q1 A SF: Too much info in 1st para--save some to be revealed in MS! If you delete 1st para then lead with 2nd you’ll be fine #RevPit #10Queries

The time for my #RevPit #10Queries session is here! See below for the cheat code!

Q: query
P: first pages

A: adult
YA: young adult
MG: middle grade

F: fantasy
SF: sci-fi
T: thriller
M: mystery
CON: contemporary

Q20: A F. Ruh roh, typos in the query. Not a dealbreaker for me, TBH. Pages seem slightly young. Is this really YA masquerading as A? There seems to be a coming-of-age theme here. I like the immediacy of the voice! YA or A? A or YA? 💛 #RevPit #10Queries

Q19: MG C. The query focuses on a few too many subplots so is a bit meandering. Stick to the main points and tease in the query. Writing comes off as a bit stiff and formulaic. Vary sentence structure to add more playfulness and make those pages sing! 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q18: A F. The query promises that this will be dark, dark, dark! But the pages feel only darkish, so something's not lining up here. Think of your query + pages as a package--you need them to match in tone and be consistent. 💔 #RevPit #10Queries

Q17: MG F. I need a little more of an introduction to the concept in the query before diving right in as I'm not 100% following the premise. The dialogue & writing is a little too formal for MG. It feels like trying to imitate CS Lewis. I want YOUR voice! 💔 #RevPit #10Queries

Q16: Comps to my favorite books so I'm immediately interested. The premise seems fairly close to the comps, but is the premise TOO close that it comes off as derivative? Morally gray hero jumps off the first pages. Fav trope alert! 💚 #RevPit #10Queries

Q15: YA H. Query is dark & atmospheric & promises the creep factor. But there's a disconnect with the pages in tone. Where's the creep factor that the query promised? Is it coming later? This starts pretty light for H, which I don't expect from the genre. 💛 #RevPit #10Queries

Q14: A F. Great logline that succinctly teases the story. Original concept but the writing isn't quite there for me yet. It needs a little deeper POV and more emotional depth to connect with the MC in opening pages. Maybe I can help here though... 💛 #RevPit #10Queries

Q13: YA SF. Query ends on a great cliffhanger that puts my own copywriting skills to shame. This author knows how to tantalize! The pages rely a lot on dialogue tags and adverbs, which weakens the dialogue and the prose.💔 #RevPit #10Queries

Q12: MG H. Clear stakes in query that tease the pages are going to be super creepy, just how I like it. Deep POV in the opening pages and goodness, this IS creepy. Is this going to be too dark for MG? Guess we'll find out! 💚 #RevPit #10Queries

Q11: MG F. The query is more synopsis than teaser. The pages start off in media res, which makes doesn't give a clear sense of the "before," lessening the stakes. What normal do we want to return to after the conflict is over? #RevPit #10queries

Q10: MG F. Query is missing some tension so I'm not 100% sure what the stakes are. In the sample pages, the writing feels inconsistent. At times, it feels young and playful and other times very mature and literary. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q9: YA SF. Awesome premise with some great comps in the query. Opening scene feels strikingly similar to another opening scene of another well-known book though. I want to experience a fresh story so maybe that's in further pages? 💛 #RevPit #10queries

Q8: MG H. This one comps to two movies. It's good to comp to at least 1 recent book in your query. The word count is a little on the low end for MG, but the pages feel a little over-written. Not sure if we'd be able to get there in our short time together. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q7: YA F. Uses some of my favorite books as comps, oooh! The premise is really fascinating, but it's quite similar to a book that I acquired at HarperCollins, so I'm not sure I can be all in again with such a similar (but great!) concept. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q6: YA F. This is a retelling of a classic, which is also used for a comp. It would have been more efficient to comp to another retelling rather than the classic itself. The premise feels a little too derivative and not fresh enough. 💔 #RevPit #10queries

Q5: YA F. This query gets a bit more synopsis than query. Remember to tantalize not spoil in the query! I'm having a hard time understanding the world from the opening pages, & my confusion is making it lose the tension of the tense opening scene. 💔 #RevPit #10queries